The Five Stages of R8 Grief

"this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata" (fantastic-mr-foxbody)
04/13/2015 at 18:35 • Filed to: Audi R8, Rants

Stage 1: Notice a wild Audi R8 street parked in Capitol Hill (not Seattle's most squeaky clean neighborhood) with rain oncoming. Mentally applaud the owner for actually using his classy, AWD, mid-engined super sports car. (Excuse iPotato pic)

Stage 2: Be surprised, as always, by how understatedly beautiful the R8 is in person. In the presence of mere mortals, it seems so compact and sleek. The proportions are just right, and it has just enough aggressive styling to have presence, without being overworked.

Stage 3: Ruminate on how great a car the R8 really is. In many ways, it reminds me of the first NSX. It does exactly what it set out to do: compete with the best in the business, but with the badge and accessible image of a brand the rest of us might be able to afford. Like Honda, Audi has never been the most flamboyant in it's segment, but it makes robust (mostly, *cough* Allroad), capable and handsome cars.

The Audi R8 is not the fastest, loudest, most in your face, or most expensive car among those it competes with; in fact, someone who doesn't care about cars might totally overlook it. But it makes you feel special when you drive it, and it comes in a manual, and it performs on the track, and you can drive it through a hilly, potholed city and park it in the rain—feeling fairly confident that it's not going break down or spin out on the way there, and its not going to leak or rust or get keyed while you're gone.

Stage 4: Remember that this generation is going away. Remember that with the replacement, Audi didn't go in a totally new direction, they just tweaked the old recipe in all the wrong ways.

Lets look at the inside.

Before

After

Ew, why are there so many goddamn buttons on the steering wheel? Do you think R8 buyers are so lazy that they don't want to take their hands off the wheel to start the car? What is that hole in the center console? What the fuck is that shifter??

Sorry to break it to you, Audi, Mustang did it first.

Now, on to the exterior:

GRRRRR! Angry headlights! Angry grill! Pointy everything!

Right angles! Side blade were too curvy, make it two polygons! Rhombus tail pipes! RHOMBUS EVERYTHING!!

Ok, seriously R8, did someone murder your family with the pointy end of a compass? What was wrong with the occasional curve? It's not that anything's been changed dramatically, the proportions are all pretty much the same—Audi's trying to pull a 911—but in my opinion everything they did to try and differentiate the second generation from the first just made the whole situation worse. The original was a seriously hard act to follow.

Then theres the 100% electric e-Tron version. I really glad Audi chose to go that route, instead of trying to placate everyone with an overly complex hybrid system. I'm actually a huge advocate of all electric performance. What I don't get is why manufacturers that aren't Tesla insist on making their electric cars look ridiculous. Case in point:

Really? You went with those wheels? I know they help with drag, but did you have to make them look like that? I just hope there's a brake cooling duct behind the led cheese grater...

I can only hope those are just part of the concept.

Now for the obligatory Jalop complaint about the death of our dear friend Manuel.

No more of this:

Just look at it. It's ok if you need a minute. Yes, yes I know three pedals won't put down the same Nurburgring times, and I know it's really expensive to develop two gearboxes, and I know most supercar buyers don't want to row their own anymore. Doesn't mean I'm not sad about it.

Stage 5: Acceptance. The new R8 sounds like it's going to be bonkers fast. It's Quattro system defaults to 100% RWD. Under the merely evolutionary changes on the surface, it's a brand new platform that's definitely lighter, and probably stiffer. The 'base' model has a V10. I'm sure everyone who buys one will enjoy it.

I just have to make sure to remind myself of this when I walk by one on the way to the bus stop, and feel sad that the only part of an R8 I will ever get to enjoy (esthetics) is gone. At least it will still sound magnificent. If you like dubstep, that is.

DISCUSSION (24)

Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW. > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata
04/13/2015 at 18:38

Stage 5 Should be: Acceptances. The old one is a bargain used supercar!

this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata > Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW.
04/13/2015 at 18:42

Kinja'd!!!

Really? I had no idea!

turbojames > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata
04/13/2015 at 18:42

However, if I had the money, I'd buy the new R8 over the Huracan- it's a bit more tasteful, and had the same powerplant. However Mclaren tops all.

norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata
04/13/2015 at 18:43

First time I've seen both interiors together, the old one is definitely better.

this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata > turbojames
04/13/2015 at 18:44

Oh the R8 will always be better than the baby Lambo. I just wish it was less lambo-y. You are correct though, McLaren owns the dailyable supercar market now.

Forgetful > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata
04/13/2015 at 18:44

The new front end looks pretty good on the GT3 cars.

Kinja'd!!!

this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata > Forgetful
04/13/2015 at 18:46

Good point. Is that what they're actually racing?

Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW. > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata
04/13/2015 at 18:47

Yes! Too bad i can't get one with Carmax Warranty, like some guy with no pants told me.

turbojames > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata
04/13/2015 at 18:47

The 570S/650S (you choose, who cares) are also better styled and faster. And the aura that surrounds Mclaren is less obnoxious, more calculative and focused in an Alain Prost kinda way.

Forgetful > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata
04/13/2015 at 18:53

Yes, it's the R8 LMS Ultra Gen 2, and there were a bunch of them running the Blancpain series at Monza this past weekend. There was one that was all red. It was nice.

Xkjacob > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata
04/13/2015 at 19:02

his name was Manuel shifter.

His name was Robert Paulson.

this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata > Xkjacob
04/13/2015 at 19:06

Only in death do our transmissions have names.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata
04/13/2015 at 19:06

Hey now, Capitol Hill is plenty safe — in broad daylight with numerous witnesses.

this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
04/13/2015 at 19:12

I actually see a surprsing number of nice cars right there around Seattle Central. There were two M3s in the same block today.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata
04/13/2015 at 19:17

Downtown is good for nice parked cars and street people, who are largely harmless. Compared to Denny Way.

this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
04/13/2015 at 19:22

Denny or Pioneer Square can get pretty sketch for sure. Not to say I've ever had a problem, and I wander around town all the time. Seattle is pretty safe city.

*cough* pay me, tourist board *cough*

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata
04/13/2015 at 19:29

It's true. Compare Granite Falls, Tacoma, and God forbid south Everett.

whiskeybusiness NOW A DANGER TO CROWDS NEAR YOU > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata
04/13/2015 at 20:37

Every time Otto kills our dear friend Manuel. . . a pinata sheds a tear

wafflesnfalafel > this is not matt farah's foxbodymiata
04/13/2015 at 22:57

Cap Hill has got lots of new money going into all those condos up there - but still has a bunch of vandalism. That Audi is going to get an anarchist's A painted on it if the owner isn't careful...